self promotion

L'Shana Tovah

This is Nancy's mother Polly (aka Bubbie) looking up a chicken's ass on erev Rosh Hashonah. Today the chicken is wearing much less fat after Bubbie carved it away and put it in that little pile you see next to her. she collects the fat to make Shmaltz for Zaida to shmear on his bread in Orange County next week. This is a Jewish version of robbing Peter to pay Paul. You prepare, roast and serve your holiday guests a nice nutritionally correct chicken without the extra fat with the secret plan to smuggle it back into Orange County to enjoy on a piece of toast, or worse yet (according to Bubbie) to cannibalistically but deliciously scramble eggs in it. here's the next victim....
and this is Bubbie kissing Nancy while she photographs it. Nancy's father still feels that Polly lavishes too much unconditional love and praise on Nancy. It makes him jealous. He prefers conditional love- with chicken fat.
Today both featured chickens are wearing nothing, not even their heads, just a few raw onions up their featherless butts. Nancy is wearing a striped turquoise and green crew neck tee from the Gap with cut off "Long and Lean" jeans (like the chicken after Bubbie got to it) also from the Gap. Bubbie wears a brown tee shirt "outfit" - that means the same pattern top and bottom - loose top, elastic waist. note that older folks like to dress the same way babies do, in onesies and with matching stretchy tee-shirt, jersey, velour or terry cloth material, top and bottom. it's comfortable and easy to eat or poop in, which is of course how we come in the world and how we go out, with a little cooking in between. Bubbie wears a yellow fake diamond around her neck though she assures Nancy that Zaida has indeed given her some that are real. Bubbie gets a little defensive when Nancy asks her where it's from, so Nancy doesn't push it. Zirc is gonna take over diamonds real soon anyway. Finally Bubbie wears white bobbie sox with beaded white moccasin loafers that she sent away for from a catalog called Blair which Nancy has never heard of. Nancy, as usual, wears her dressy silver rubber flip flops from Madewell.
Speaking of making things well, Nancy better get back to the kitchen - she knows Bubbie's the best maker of chicken but Nancy's job is to keep down the salmonella hazard as the master goes along....

L'shana Tovah!

Sports Bra

Today, as Maddy got ready for her first AYSO Girls' soccer game of the year, she yelled out "Mom, do you have a Sports Bra?" then Maddy dug through her underwear drawer and produced this black and red push up deal from Victoria Secret and asked with absolutely no irony or humor whatsoever if this could qualify as a Sports Bra.

Nancy said "No, but i need to blog this."

Maddy yelled at Nancy that there wasn't time for that. She needed Nancy to go get cold water bottles from the back fridge. But Nancy ignored her and swiftly stopped by Photobooth, took two shots over her pajama top, then dashed upstairs and got Maddy an orange halter 34B sports bra to borrow for today's game. As they stuffed Maddy's gravity defying C-cups into the front locking harness, they both agreed it wasn't a perfect fit but it would hold "them" in place for today. Then Nancy produced two ice cold water bottles. One for each breast.

Perhaps the reason Maddy seriously asked if this cheesy decorative Vegas Showgirl number qualified as a Sports Bra had everything to do with the fact that Nancy, Maddy and Jonah had just finished watching an episode and a half of Real World on MTV. The catfighting, skimpy attired 20-something reality show has now become their favorite. They love watching the bitchy beautiful girls fight and they can't wait to see who'll hook up Isaac and who'll steal Dunbar away from his girlfriend. Nancy and her kids plan to finish watching the white trash second episode later tonight On Demand, after Maddy finishes working with her $200/hr College Counselor who promises to get her into an intellectually selective college.

Back to School Edition

today nancy is wearing darker hair, a blue cashmere cartigan, a celadon green and turquoise floral egyptian cotton pajama top from Bedhead, cut off blue jeans from the Gap (vestige of summer which was just a few days ago) and no shoes, as it's still warm enough to get away with this and jonah was in a hurry. she noted as she got into the car how lucky she is to live in California and be able to go barefoot and not feel the severity of temperature or smut below her feet. instead she feels the gentle manicured grass of her next door neighbor's McMansion.

she carrys her beaded bag from St Bart, a gift from her former malevolent Quasi-Mother-in-law, not to be confused with her sweet and loving Real Ex Mother in Law, birth mother to her ex husband, if you're following this. At times Nancy has been ambivalent about enjoying the beautiful accessories she was gifted from "Quaz" when they were still speaking - there's the raw sapphire necklace, the sexy periwinkle lacy boyshorts (nancy's pretty sure Otto ate those, so that's not an issue anymore and it pissed nancy off when Quaz gave them to her since it seemed less of a gift and more of a dig from exhibitionist inappropriate Quaz, trying to - as usual - rub in and let everyone know how much sex she and Leonard were having...ewww!!!!) Then there was the smart black Prada rain coat which Nancy covets - it was too small on Quaz whose weight goes up and down. but there was also a gold ID anklet with the letter N which nancy never liked - it was Quaz's taste, not Nancy's, it reflected the Jerry Lewis Vegas era, being a teen in the early 60s when nancy was still playing with Barbie and was later to become a hippy (at least in dress)...so my point is: there has never been any temptation to wear the Capital N anklet. it makes nancy think of cheerleaders. yuk.

back to today's attire: she's "worked through" her mixed feelings about carrying the beautfiul beaded bag because it's such a great fucking bag. she gets compliments on it wherever she goes. and nancy's always been able to shunt out bad feelings in trade for good ones. she's a cheap date that way. and looking or wearing something beautiful to nancy is like cocaine to a user. she just needs to watch the budget more these days so she doesn't end up financially like a crack head. that wouldn't be good for the kids - you know...to leave them with a bunch of debt if something happens to nancy. all because she couldn't say no to an Agnes B blouse.

moving on to Audible Accessories...today's discussion on the way to school was: how can our friend Dick Katkov be called Dick...and no one laughs. nancy said to Jonah: what if someone was named Vagina? that wouldn't fly. Jonah corrected her and said: No mom, it would be like being named Pussy. and it's not like we call Richard...Penis Katkov. Hmmm. Good point. Then nancy said aloud "Pussy Katkov" a couple times to hear how it sounded...after which she seized the "educable moment" to tell Jonah that this is how authors come up with interesting names for their stories - you know - switching real stuff around. nancy does it all the time and she's not even a professional author. she just does it for fun-- por ejemplo esta manana, to stay awake on the 10 freeway as she drives jonah to school at 6:45am, completely contrary to their circadium summer rhythm of sleeping in till noon. (nancy likes to lapse into spanish when she can, it's fun too, keeps your mind alert and creativity flowing).

but then, as she drove between the Bundy offramp and Cloverfield, she thought more about all this. cruising toward Lincoln Blvd she made the nuanced comment (kinda proud of herself) that Pussy also means Cat while Dick means nothing other than Penis. so Pussy Katkov is still a gentler, more acceptable name than Vagina Katkov...or Dick Katkov. so..again, one wonders why the world lets us call someone Dick but not Vagina...and get away with it. it's a man's world i guess. (but it ain't nuthin without a woman or girl....dooby dooby doo).

THEN...or "theyennnn" as her talented writer at the NYTimes used to point out is her personal paragraph starter when she's wandered off-point and wants to Get Back to whatever she was saying several bagillion words and minutes ago....(apparently she used to do this in verbal stories back when Hunky Talented Journalist was at the LA Times--he's always been very perceptive and kind and funny and affectionate when he points out such verbal tics to a dear friend - he makes it come off as a Cute Thing rather than a Put Down. This always made nancy feel Seen and Heard and consequently Loved but that's another entry....)

anyway THEYENNN....Jonah and Nancy continued the exploration of names for potential future characters in books they'll never write. Dick's wife in real life is Miriam. so Nancy pointed out that our "invented" couple could be named: Pussy and Solomon Katkov. Get it?? Or maybe...Pussy and Solomon Plotkin. swapping out Russian sir-names. although it's kind of wonderful to echo the "cat" motif in Pussy Katkov. think we'll stick with Katkov if they'll give us permission.

jonah enjoyed the discussion. it got him to school happy and uncharacteristically on time--and ready and alert to take on Honors Algegra at 7:03. by the way, why do classes of this generation always start at very specifically weird times? previous ancient generations just got to school at generic/rounded off times like 8 or 9....hmmm. we'll have to deconstruct that too in another entry, it's clearly part of the switch to Digital Time. we do it because we can, not because it's better. just like bad desktop publishing.

anyway...jonah and nancy will speak with the Katkovs and see if we can get that permission slip to monkey around with their name for our upcoming graphic novel. jonah will check with Nick (rhymes with Dick) Katkov at nutrition today.